That moment I made the decision to follow a certain path is crystal clear in my memory even after all of this time. It is one of those watershed moments where you just know, you tingle inside because you are fully aware that it is A MOMENT. You are clear that it is the next catapult forward in life and in time.
How did I feel standing in the Spin room dripping with sweat having this flashback? My first feeling was sadness- sadness over time lost, and sadness in the reality that time had marched on and didn't wait for me to catch up. Then immediately I felt anger- anger at ME. I started berating myself for making a wrong choice.
You should have done xyz, you didn't pay attention, you picked the path of least resistance! whack, whack whack! The gloves were off, the battle was being waged full force in my head. Amazing how quickly that cudgel came flying out!
But then, I paused my thoughts.
Here I was looking at that moment, that choice from a new vantage point.
It didn't take long for me to realize how different I was. How far I'd come, how good I felt about what I had accomplished and where I was in this moment.
I felt powerfully aware.
For the last year I've been full time invested in entrepreneurship- building my business, my brand, building me. It is the most unglamorous, brain splitting, all consuming journey I have ever taken. My Self Confidence has had to step up and wear big girl pants so many times I've lost count, and I've learned the art of asking- asking for help/guidance/strength from fellow women, men and the universe.
Within the last three weeks, I've had another "moment" occur- one that would put me on a path for the next 8- 10 years. Just as before, the moment appeared. And just as before, I knew it- it was a familiar occurrence, me and MOMENTS go way back.
This moment and the choice that partners with it feels hefty, feels like it has substance, gravitas. I am clear as the blue sky about what this moment/choice means and how it fits into this next chapter of my evolution. All those years ago, I was still young and hadn't built up who I am enough yet. All those years ago, I had to embark on one more Hero's Journey before I could finally get back to Ithaca (thank you Odysseus!).
Back to the Spin room, which was now empty, I was so grateful for seeing this woman again and having a moment to chat with her. (She will LOVE this when she reads it) Our individual Hero's Journey must continue in all it's shapes and twists and nuance. The Hero's Journey is life.
I'm alive, you are alive- keep going Odysseus.